Proper Treatment
by Artificial Dreams
Summary: N is nine years old, and determined to save the world already... one playground at a time. His first stop? Nuvema Elementary. Implied future NTouya; just a silly one-shot.


**A/N: **While browsing the internet one day, I saw a picture of child N looking like a little player. My initial response was, "I hadn't realized child N from Pokemon Black and White was so darn self-confident. Look at that smirk. That is a suave smirk. That is such a self-assured stance he has there. What the blueberries? I thought he had a traumatic childhood. Is he happy about this? Has his horrible experiences resulted in him being a confident, suave, wooer of the other kids on the playground? …I should write a fanfic about this." And so I did, and here you are. I do this out of love, really.

* * *

The playground was something of a foreign place for him. His home was a place where trains whistled and Pokemon screamed. In his home, he was an indestructible force. No one or thing could destroy him, though many had tried. He was the great friend to all, the one who showed Pokemon there was more to pain and misery. And now he was on a human playground, against his father's wishes but what his dad didn't know wouldn't kill him (because his father was obviously some kind of immortal that spawned N one day since N had no mother and how else would he be here without one). Here, he would show his fellow humans that they needed to treat Pokemon like friends, and bow down before their great and mighty ruler – N. Striding across the playground the best way a nine-year old could stride, he looked for his first targets in teaching the ways of Proper Treatment of Others.

He had an entire lesson planned out for it.

Admittedly, N didn't have any experience with any his fellow human children. But, he figured applying the social activities of various Pokemon species would suffice in place of actual human socialization. So, he should look for kids younger than himself. Ones around his age would theoretically already have a hierarchy in place, and if he approached them wrong rather than rapidly rise in ranks he might be dumped into the lower rungs and become both unheard and mocked. This would not do for his mission. But if he approached younger one, they would instinctively be curious what their elder had to say and teach to them. There was the small flaw he wasn't an adult and thus not as trusted, but he was willing to plunge ahead anyway because the children were the future.

That's what his father said. And his father was a man of truth (he said so).

So N scanned the playground, trying to spot the perfect little kids to try out his Proper Treatment of Others lesson. There, in the sandbox, were two brown-haired kids… maybe around six or so. He nodded, feeling they would be perfect. They were a few years younger than him, there was a boy and a girl, and because the number was limited to two if anything went awry he still had a chance to make a clean getaway. Now doing his best nine-year old stride to the sandbox, he stood over it with the flashiest smile he could manage. In Pokemon societies, a group was more likely to accept an outsider if they had something of value to offer to them. So N pulled out one of his favourite toys (he had a million of them), and offered a small void cube to the pair now staring at him curiously. "Hi. I'm Natural, but you can call me N."

The two kids stared at him.

"I like cookies." N added, remembering that sometimes to bridge gaps in Pokemon groups sharing common ground encouraged a more readily accepted new member. Immediately the two brightened, always happy to discuss cookies – even with a stranger who was a few years older.

"I like sugar cookies!" The girl gushed.

"Chocolate chip." The boy stated with an excited nod.

"Oatmeal raisin." N responded, because honestly was the best policy.

"Eeww…" Apparently the girl disliked oatmeal raisin – small setback. The boy looked between her and N, trying to decide who he should take more social feedback from.

"With milk." N added, hoping to sway at least the boy to his side.

"I do too!" When the boy agreed, the nine-year old made a mental cheer.

"Have you ever played with one of these?" N asked, motioning at the void cube the two had been distracted from due to the subject of cookies. Terribly distracting things, cookies. After this, N decided, he would have to ask for a plateful. With a glass of milk. The boy and girl got up and walked over to the item, peering curiously at it. They both shook their heads. "Do you want to? I have lots." He offered, and pulled out a second. Pokemon at this age were still learning to share – humans were probably much the same, so he had been sure to bring extras to avoid his lesson being interrupted with child warfare. Eagerly, they both took one and began fiddling with it curiously.

It was official. These two were now his first human friends. They accepted his offer of a toy, and talked with him about cookies.

They would be best friends forever (even if these two played in a sandbox).

"How do you work this?" The boy asked, frowning as he turned it over and over.

"Want me to show you?" N offered, smiling at the boy. The girl nodded this time, and he laughed. "Okay!" Taking out his own, he showed them how to turn it.

"A Rubik's Cube!" The girl squealed, now more fervently trying to solve the toy.

"Void cube." N corrected. The two children paused in their play to stare at him, eyes wide. They looked down at the toys and noticed that, indeed, it wasn't _quite_ a Rubik's Cube. It had a hole it in.

"Does it solve the same?"

"How can you solve it?"

"Can I really, really have it?"

"Ah, uh…" They had so many questions! Taking a deep breath, N held up a hand and the two quieted. This was a lot easier than he expected it to be! "You can have it, and I'll show you how to solve it… if, and only if, you make me a promise." At this, the girl frowned a bit obviously not wanting to make a promise with someone she just barely met. The boy, on the other hand, was hesitant but curious.

Okay, so maybe the boy was going to be his best friend forever.

That was okay, girls had cooties anyway.

"Promise me you'll be really, really nice to your Pokemon, and treat them like they're your friends. And never be mean to them. Pokemon are friends, not food." N finished, nodding his head. The two stared at him, wide-eyed.

"I have a Pokemon?"

"You want to play Pokemon trainer?"

"I'll be super nice to them!"

"Give them lots of treats! And love! And pet them, and hug them…"

"And give 'em nicknames! Like Nickel for Nicholas!"

"And teach them tricks, and put them in cute clothes…"

"I promise, super duper, cross my heart and hope to DIE pinkie promise…"

"Oh, oh! Me too! Stick a needle in my eye, pinkie promise!"

This was the kind of enthusiasm N had been hoping for. He felt a swelling kind of pride, seeing his best friend forever this excited to protect Pokemon and Cootie Girl equally so. "Okay! Then it's a pinkie promise!" He held out both of his pinkies, and the two kids eagerly shook their own with his. "All right, so this is how you solve the puzzle…" Fingers released, he immediately showed them how to put the same colours on all sides of the void cube. They stared in amazement, and immediately began clapping.

"How do you know so much?" The boy finally asked afterwards. This kid knew all about void cubes, he knew about cookies… and he was only a couple years older! N was going to be his best friend forever, he knew it! And his sister's, too!

"A future king has to know a lot." N puffed, practically sticking out his chest in pride. The girl, once more, frowned.

"Future king? Unova is a demamocramacy. Demacracy?" Her frown deepened, though it had more to do with her difficult getting a word out than her opinion on N's words.

"Democracy?" N offered.

"Yeah! That! Not a monachramcy. Monochromacy?"

"Monarchy?"

"That! It isn't that!" She continued, jumping up and down, pleased he knew what she was saying.

"Well, no. Not yet. That's why I said _future_ king, and didn't call myself a prince." N explained.

"Ohhhh…!" Now the two understood, nodding their heads in unison.

"Can I be your queen? And wear chainmail?" The girl asked, jumping with more enthusiasm. N was ready to answer, before pausing in confusion.

"Chainmail?" Queens didn't wear chainmail. And how could this girl who had issues saying monarchy say chainmail so easily?

"Yeah! Be a warrior queen! Fwah! Bam! Shing! Shing!" She moved around, wielding an invisible sword against equally invisible foes. "Die you rebel scum! Die if you bow not to your queen! Shing, shing!" He had to admit, she certainly was developing the language for a violent ruling. But he wasn't looking to subjugate through violence. Curious, he looked to the boy.

"What would you wear if you were queen?"

"M-me?" The boy squeaked, and looked to the girl helplessly because… could boys be queens? Wasn't queen just the gender-specific term for a female ruler, kind of like how king was the gender-specific term for a male ruler?

"Boys can't be queens." The girl stated, sheathing her imaginary sword.

"Yes they can. If they're married to a king." N pointed out.

"No, then there's two kings. You can't have two kings, especially in a… patirach…" She took a deep breath, and closed her big blue eyes, "Pay-tree-are-key. Pay-tree-are-key. Patriachy!" She opened them again, a smile blossoming on her proud face.

"_Very_ good!" N nodded, compulsively finding himself giving her praise when the point of this wasn't to help six-year olds on their pronunciations. It was to execute Proper Treatment of Others, of which was going exceptionally well. He made friends, got them to pinkie promise, had a best friend for life, and possibly either a future warrior queen or a future assassin. He wasn't entirely sure what the girl would grow up to be, but it most likely would involve a sword. "If I'm future king, I can have a future king or queen if I want." He was trying very hard to not pout. Come to think of it, she was questioning his authority. And was violent. She was definitely NOT going to be his future queen. Knowing this girl, with her cooties, she would infect him, he would die, and she would take over.

On the upside though, he at least had the reassuring knowledge if that happened she would take very good care of the Pokemon in his stead.

"Like… with laws? And stuff?" The boy asked awkwardly, trying to wrap his head around this concept of a male queen. It was like a female king. It didn't make any sense.

"Exactly!" N nodded.

"You would overturn language's laws?" The girl asked.

"Yes!" N was relieved – finally, they were getting it!

"…cool! Can you get rid of 'please'? Momma always says, 'say please first,' but I'm sooooo tred of saying please for e_verything_…" The girl whined. N decided rather than discuss this (she seemed fervently against manners, but he felt they were very important) he jumped topics.

"What's your names?" N had realized he was friends with these two, and had no idea what to call them other than The Boy and The Girl.

"I'm Touko, he's Touya. We're twins." The girl beamed at him, and took her brother's hands. N glanced between them, and decided that they were at least related. He didn't know a lot about twins, but he always thought they were supposed to look identical. Later, he would have to ask his father about this.

"All right. So… Touya. Do you want to be my queen? In the future, I mean. I'm not king yet, so you can't really be queen if we get married. I'll court you properly when we're older. Promise." N nodded, because this entire conversation was perfectly normal. The girl pouted, crossing her arms.

"But he's a _boy_! Boys aren't supposed to ask other boys to be their queens, they're supposed to ask _girls_!" Touko was making a valid point from her six-year old brain that had been taught fairy tale logic through Disney. As was Touya's, which was why this entire conversation was confusing him into a consistently bewildered expression and he had still yet to really respond.

"They can ask boys, too. Pokemon do it all the time." N explained patiently. He had seen it a few times. Rather than take a female mate, two male Pokemon would opt to take one another as mates. Sometimes it was permanent, sometimes it was temporary. It all really came down to mating habits and the like.

"They do not!" Touko scrunched up her nose, never hearing of such a thing.

"Do too." N's words were so factual, that she halted and began wondering if he was right. Did that happen? She didn't believe him, but he was talking like the adults did when they told her that the story where babies came from was one she needed to hear when she was older. She didn't necessary believe them, but they sounded so sure so maybe…

"Let's ask Miss-ter Juni." Touko decided, and took her and N's hands to start dragging the boys with her to someone she knew was a professional on Pokemon. His name was actually Juniper, but she had taken to drawing out the "Mister," before his name and shortening his actual one several months ago. No one had been able to break her of the habit, much to Juniper senior's displeasure. Arriving at the bench where the class' teacher was conversing with Mister Juniper, they paused in their discussion to see the two twins and an unfamiliar boy.

"Whose class are you from?" The teacher asked, frowning slightly at him.

"Class?" N tilted his head at her.

"Miss-ter Juni, do boy Pokemon marry other boy Pokemon?" Touko asked straight-up, not even breaking the question to them easily. The two adults stared at her, the teacher trying to find words and Mister Juniper rapidly trying to find a way to sneazel out of this conversation.

"Why – no, Touko of course not… it's why when a Pokemon knows attract, it only works on the other gender…" The teacher said, when he could finally find words again.

"That's not true. It works on the same gender sometimes." N pointed out helpfully. Once more, the teacher tried to find words for this situation. Mister Juniper sighed, already knowing where _this _was going. He had this same conversation with his daughter many moons ago, when she caught two male Pokemon trying to hatch a rock.

"It's all right, I'll answer." Mister Juniper sighed, shoulders sagging. He hated having this conversation. "You see, sometimes… when a male and female Combee love each other _very_ much they lay an egg together. And sometimes, on the rare occasion, a male and another male Combee love each other _very_ much they try and hatch an abandoned egg from other Pokemon. So… yes, sometimes boy Pokemon want to… marry other boy Pokemon."

"…ohhhhhh…" The twins nodded in understanding. Touko turned to N, and looked down.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"It's okay." N patted her on the head. "Let's go back to the sandbox."

"Okay!" And with that, the trio rushed off to resume their conversation about kingdoms, queens, and possibly destroying contemporary manners as the rest of the world knew it.

"…Professor Juniper?" The teacher asked, looking at him.

"It's all right sir, they would have found out from the television anyway. Best they got the sugarcoated version now." He waved the other off.

"No, no not that. I was going to ask… whose kid is that?"

"…oh my Arceus, you're right! That isn't a student!"

Noticing the adults were onto them, the Shadow Triad immediately appeared around N.

"Ninjas!" Touko gasped, eyes sparkling with admiration.

"Lord N, it is time to leave." Shadow Triad member one spoke.

"Aww… already?" N was unable to stop the pout this time. The man nodded. Sighing, he took Touya's hand. "Think about it. Okay?"

"…I-I'll… tell you when you… what did you say?" Touya frowned. "When you… court me properly?"

"Then it's another promise." N beamed, and let himself being whisked away by Team Plasma ninjas before a shouting teacher and Mister Juniper could stop any of them.

"When you become his queen... can I be your ninja bodyguard?" Touko asked, watching the spot where the trio and N had just been.

"...okay." Touya nodded, and took her hand. Overhearing this, Juniper and the teacher exchanged bewildered glances. What sort of kid just broke into their school, anyway?


End file.
